Hey! How are you doing?

I had my niece came over a week ago.

It was so lovely to see her!! We talked until 4 in the morning one night XD.

I never imagined that we would be this close at her age 20. I feel so blessed!!

 

Some kids were mean to my niece

I was just remembering about when my niece was about four or five the other night.

My brother decided to move from a small apartment they were living to a bigger apartment complex.

After they moved to the new place, my brother noticed that some of the kids in the area were being kind of mean to my niece. They were mean to her but when my brother showed up they stopped and greeted my brother like they were not doing anything bad. He did not talk to the kids about it though, my niece told him that the kids were “dodgy”. She was probably expressing the situation that the kids were being mean when no adults around but changed the attitude when he showed up.

My brother listened what she said and asked her “what do you want to do about it?” Her reply was “I will just leave it”. He told me that “I was so glad I did not say anything” XDDDD. Because that was something he never came up with by himself he said.

Other options

Let’s think what you can do if someone is mean to you, or your kid.

There are probably many possible counter-measures for it.

I will list those that I came up with.

  1. Learn martial art or physical trick so I will be more confident if something similar happens to me next time.
  2. Find some influential person who can protect me.
  3. Talk to them and tell that what they did was not fun for me.
  4. Punch them in the face so they will know what’s gonna happen if they do the same thing.

I guess there are many other options but I will just stop it here.

I guess what I do will be different with my goal. If I want to be friends with them, I would probably go with No.3 tell them that it wasn’t fun. But if my goal was not to become friends with them, I guess the things they did to me wouldn’t really matter. I think just let it go is the best choice……

Give false meanings on things

I had a boyfriend who was bullied when he was little.

He told me that when he was bullied at school, his father used to scold him and tell him that it was his fault that he got bullied. He used to be bullied because of his parents disability (both of his parents were blind), so his father’s reaction might have been that way because his father was also hurt when he found out that his son got bullied because of their disability.

However, what his father mistakenly added the meaning to what happened to him was totally unnecessary.

The fact was simple that some of the kids in school bullied my ex.

It might have been because the kids had a bad day and they wanted to do something to let the steam off. Or the parents didn’t treat the kids nicely so they were doing the same thing to someone else, or their parents were talking bad about my ex family so they thought it was OK to be rude to him.

I cannot know why anymore for sure, but I know the fact that he got bullied wasn’t his fault. He was probably weak and made the kids think that it was OK to bully him but I also know that strong people doesn’t always bully weak. They can protect weak if they want to. It is a matter of choice what they do with the strength.

What could his father do?

There were a lot of things my ex’s father could do rather than making him feel that it was his fault. What the kid needed the most was probably being listened and feel safe at home, let out his feeling. His parents could probably ask him what he wanted to do with it. He might have come up with nice solution himself.

He might have found a good martial art class nearby. Trained himself to get the confidence so he would not be bullied any longer. He could be ended up finding good friends at the martial art class and learnt that he could make friends where he felt comfortable at.

Add meanings to things

I came to notice that I have been doing a lot of this “adding unnecessary meaning” to things happened to me or around me.

I have a Japanese friend who lived in NY for several years when she was younger.

When she lived there, she had a fire at her apartment. The sauce was her room.

When we were talking about the fire incident, she said “I was so lucky that I got up that night. I usually sleep till morning and never get up at middle of the night.” “I felt so protected.”

When I heard that story, I went like “Wait, wait, you felt ‘protected‘ because you didn’t die in the fire??”

I noticed that she see things very differently from I do. IF my apartment was on the fire, the first thing I would think would be “Man! Why fire in my room??” I might have felt unlucky but not other way around.

Lucky or Unlucky?

I heard a similar story on a famous Japanese businessman named Konosuke Matsushita.

He is a founder of Panasonic, one of the largest consumer electronics company. He is also known as “the god of management”.

I heard that when Konosuke was young, he fell into the sea from a ship and almost got killed. He fell from the ship because someone who stood next to him grabbed him accidentally when he was going to fall off from the ship and had Konosuke involved.

Konosuke couldn’t swim so he could have died.

When people pulled Konosuke out of the sea and saved him, he said “I was very lucky to be saved. I can’t swim so I could have died but I didn’t because of the people who helped me”.

When I heard about this, I had the same feeling as I heard the fire story from my friend. Wasn’t it supposed to be “Damn, I was almost got killed by that douche bag.” * mad*

Some people look at things as “lucky” while some look at them as “unlucky”.

I have believed I was so inferior

I don’t think we have to have that positive attitude.

It would probably be nice to be able to look at the positive aspect all the time, because it would help us feel happy all the time, but that is not something I want to try. If I try to be that way, I can see that would be the stress itself. It wouldn’t be my choice, nah— XD!

Anyways, I think being careful not to add unnecessary meaning to the things happen around us is important.

I have been running my business for 14 years. I met so many wonderful people all over the world and it is super cool that I became friends through providing my services.

I have got so close to some of them over the years, that they offered comforts and information that they thought it would help me when I had depression. One time I was talking to my Dad, he was kind of surprised that my customers (meaning friends also to me) know that I am having depression. I really appreciate their friendships and support provided on my hard time.

I know now why I became friends with many people through my business, because I wanted to be friends with peope all over the world. I have accomplished it without knowing it.

Although I became friends with many people and became very close to some of them, I was not making much money, haha. I kind of know now why too.

Anyways, even though I have accomplished my dream part “to become friends with people all over the world” without even aiming or noticing it, my self esteem was very low and it was close to a loser, just because I was not making constant money enough to support my living.

To think back from now, it was very sad that I felt that way. I felt that way mainly because I was not doing what I wanted to do and doing things in the way it is believed good rather than doing in my way.

I know there are people who are very obedient and feel good about all the information surounding them. I believe they do select what to do and what not to do in their standard though.

I came to learn that I am kind of person who wants to do things in my way and also what interest me. I never thought myself as picky because I can eat anything, usually like most of the people I meet. But found out I am very picky on the things to do and how to do those XDDD.

I also know now that the information itself is not that important compare to whom I hear that from. If I trust that person as a indivisual I am eager to learn and would learn a lot more from that person than learning from someone else.

I am aware of my habits now so now I can be nicer to myself and am more confident on the selection on what to learn, what to do and so on and I am very happy about it.

Do what you want to do

OK, this has gotten everywhere so I will sum this up here.

It is not only how to deal with bulling, but for everything out there. We have our own way to handle things. There are so many information out there and if you are away from yourself, you get confused and feel that you don’t know what to choose or what is right.

The tips you see or hear out there, they probably worked for someone so it may work for you, but at the same time, it may not work for you. I think it is important to know that things worked for someone else may not work for you. What you want to find out is test things that attract you and see if they work for you or not.

If you keep watching your feeling, how your body react, you will know what is good for you. If you feel tense in your body or feel weird when you tried to do something, that’s either it is not good for you or it is not good time for you to do it.

IF you feel like you don’t know what is right for you right now though, if you keep paying attention to yourself, you will know it, because I do now (*^^*). I was just in the bush just half a year ago.

OK! Thanks for reading!

Let’s stick to ourselves and be happy!!!

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Categories: Kokoro

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